Fear Management in the SPEAR ®System
What do you associate with fear?
Grizzly bear tracks or a rattlesnake on your hiking trail? Riding the subway? A masked intruder breaking into your apartment? Your violent ex-partner? Meeting with your boss or co-workers to discuss a project that’s not going well?
People used to boast about having no fear. In the late 1980’s, there was even a clothing line with the brand name, No Fear. But fear is actually a gift and denying fear can be dangerous and doesn’t serve us. I changed my relationship with fear when I first read Gavin De Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear. I began to view and respect fear as my body’s internal alarm system, designed to protect me in potentially dangerous situations.
Know Fear
Fear is an emotion that’s useful not only in traditional self-defense situations, but in everyday life. For protection, you have to face and manage your fears and respond in functional, strategic ways.
The SPEAR ® self-defense fear management system is based on the reality that everyone experiences fear when confronted with a threat, whether the threat is physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. In the SPEAR system we encourage you to change your relationship with fear. We encourage you to Know Fear.
This post is based on Tony Blauer’s Know Fear system. I highly recommend that you invest in Coach B.’s Know Fear online training available on the Blauer Tactical Training Spear website. Coach Blauer, the legendary founder of the SPEAR ® system, has been researching and teaching reality-based self-defense worldwide for over 40 years. When I discovered the Know Fear system, I had found a blueprint for working with fear in traditional self-defense situations as well as in every-day life.
In April of 2020, Tony Blauer started a live online training community because the in-person training sessions scheduled worldwide couldn’t happen due to the pandemic. I jumped on this opportunity to train personally with Tony Blauer in what Coach B. began to call the Elite Garage Gym (EGG). I’m proud to be a certified trainer and authorized affiliate of Tony Blauer’s SPEAR system, and I feel privileged to continue to train with Coach B. and our worldwide community of SPEAR ® coaches and trainers.
Choose Safety
In the SPEAR ® Personal Defense Readiness system, Choose Safety, is our overriding mantra. But to choose safety, to make any choice in life, we first need to manage our fears. Anytime we are faced with a potential threat, a challenge, we experience fear. It may be in the form of unease, discomfort, a “bad feeling,” a concern. Everyone experiences fear. Not only in traditional self-defense situations, but in everyday life. Should I attempt this job change? Should I apply for this position on the board of the non-profit I’m serving? Should I ask this person for a date? Should I marry this person? Should I explore or leave this relationship? Should I take this short-cut? Should I move into a different city, into a different state or country? Should I apply to this college?
Situation- Fear Spike- Fear Management - Functional Movement
Coach B. always reminds us that in self-defense, there is a continuum:
1. You are faced with a Situation, a potential threat. With self-awareness and situational awareness, you will be aware of visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, or taste signals of a potential threat and of your bodily reactions and feelings.
2. Your body will react with a Fear Spike.
3. With effective Fear Management, you can progress to Functional Movement to protect your safety.
4. Functional Movement may be to avoid a situation, to de-escalate and defuse, or to fight back because that’s your safest option under the circumstances. (See the 3 D’s below)
Law enforcement officers tell us that victims of violence that survive almost always had a bad feeling. Bad feelings come on a spectrum from slight unease or discomfort to extreme fear.
If we don’t manage fear, it can make us freeze and do nothing. In self-defense as well as in every-day life, fear can fuel or throttle us. Fear that is unexplored and not managed can lead to self-doubt, hesitation, delay, inaction, and damage. If you are held back by fear, you may do nothing, and you may miss the opportunity to defend yourself or to improve your life.
In a traditional self-defense situation, fear that’s not managed well can make us deny danger, explain away danger that we don’t want to face head-on, delay, or do nothing. Fear management is crucial in self-defense situations, as well as in everyday life. Most of us probably have much more opportunity to practice fear management in our everyday lives, than in any physical self-defense situations.
Changing my relationship with fear, embracing it as an ally, has served me much better than striving for an illusory no-fear state. I encourage you to also explore changing your relationship with fear. To see it and use it as an ally, as a friend, not a foe.
So let’s explore these concepts more:
Choosing Safety and the 3 D’s
In the SPEAR ® PDR system, we use the phrase, Know Fear, not No Fear, and our overriding mantra is “Choose Safety.” To choose safety you need to manage risk, manage fear.
“Those who manage fear, will manage to take action to protect themselves,” says Coach Tony Blauer.
In the process of managing fear, we determine whether D1 (Detect and avoid), D2 (de-escalate and defuse), or D3 (defend) are most appropriate for the situation we are in.
Choosing safety means different things depending on the scenario you are in:
· It may be to detect and avoid. (D1)
· It may be to de-escalate an emotion-driven aggressor. E.g. an emotionally disturbed person, who is agitated and whose nervous system may react to your calmness or agitation. (D2)
· It may be to fight back. (D3)
People who don’t manage their fear (unease, discomfort, a “weird” feeling) often react with denial, delay, self-doubt, hesitation, doing nothing. We don’t want these D’s: Denial, Delay, Do-nothing.
But how do we manage our fears? The SPEAR ® approach to managing fear suggests this approach:
F*CK FEAR:
Face your fear:
· Practice self-awareness and situational awareness.
· Tune into your emotions and bodily sensations. Access your intuition.
· Identify that you are in the fear loop.
· Listen to your intuition and your intelligence (part of the 3 I’s).
· Accept reality (Golden Rule, part 1) and snap out of denial. Ask yourself, W.I.N., What’s Important Now?
· Face your fears squarely.
Use your fear:
· Explore your fear.
· Get challenged (part of the Golden Rule, part 2).
· Identify what you are afraid of, what makes you uneasy.
· Identify what you are sensing and feeling when you are with a certain person or in a certain situation. What exactly are you afraid of? What are you uncomfortable with? What do you need to tackle? Identify what bothers you. What do you need to address. Seek clarity on what makes you uncomfortable, ill at ease, doubtful, losing sleep.
· In an acute situation, you will not be able to cognitively analyze and articulate what all makes you feel fear. Trust your intuition. Remember that your nervous system processes millions of data points subconsciously. Your cognitive brain can only process and, you can only articulate, a very small part of the information that your neural system perceives and processes.
· At times, we also need to identify our socially conditioned fears when we are experiencing fear but are hesitating to ask for help. In addition to fears of a potential physical threat, we may experience fears of embarrassing ourselves, of not wanting to over-react, of not wanting to inconvenience others, or of appearing to be impolite.
Control your fear:
· Controlling your fear is the opposite of denying your fear. Instead, you determine what your safest options are.
· Remember our mantra, always choose safety. Move away from self-doubt and hesitation, delay, and denial. Instead, honor your intuition, respect your feelings and your bodily sensations.
· Develop strategies; set goals; make a plan.
· Work towards your desired results; take action towards your goals. (GAR: Goal, Action, Result) Control your fear by developing a plan to achieve physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual safety.
· Determine what your safest option is. Do you need to use, D1, D2, or D3?
· Accept that you may deal with incomplete information. Give yourself permission to put your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual safety first.
· Time may be limited to take action. So decide ahead of time, that you will put your safety first. Above thoughts of embarrassing yourself, of over-reacting, of fear of appearing paranoid or of other perceived social disapproval.
Know your fear:
· Know and embrace your fear as your ally, your friend, your fuel to improve your life and to choose safety.
· GAR: Set a Goal. Determine what Actions you need to take to achieve that goal. Get your desired Result - safety.
In managing fear, you need to observe the Golden Rule:
Accept reality: (for example in a relationship – what is this relationship really like?)
Get challenged: snap out of the fear loop (What do you want? Does this nurture you, help you grow, make you happy?)
Keep thinking (Adapt to changing circumstances; remain flexible)
And always remember that the foundation for managing fear is self-awareness.
